.....

I can totally see my life doing a major 180...
I hate how things are right now.
I need to fix things and make them better.
I am scared to be alone though.
I don't know if I can handle it....
Too many emotions over too many things I suppose.
And over too many people...
Why do I fall so easily?
I wish I could be more cold hearted than I am.
I need to be able to stand up for myself...
And find other ways to deal with being hurt.
Maybe one day.....
maybe.

I'm Tech Support (well, almost)

I got a job. I started on the 24th of November. I work at a call center that takes calls for Dell tech support. Crazy! lol I will be in training until the middle of January and then on the floor taking calls.
There is this guy there... he is nice and really cute. I really really like him. He has the cutest smile and the most beautiful eyes.... I don't have the nerve to tell him that I like him yet. I feel like it did back in jr high when I liked someone - lol I did give him my e-mail address today, I wanted to ask him for his, but I didn't know how that would go. So I wrote him a note and gave it to him after work and it just said 'email me' and had my email address. I hope that I hear from him soon. I look forward to work everyday just because I get to see him. I am pretty sure that nothing will come of it because that is usually how it goes, but oh well.
Well, I got a cold last night while I was waiting to be picked up when the car broke down and I feel like shit, so I am going to go to bed as soon as I get my jeans in the dryer....
I can't wait to see him tomorrow......

Grades

Well, I got a D in Art... I am relieved - at least I got the credit for it.

Finally....

I tried to change the layout and screwed everything all up, but I fixed it.
Finally.... And now I feel like an idiot - it was a super easy fix.
Does it matter? I don't think anyone reads this anyways... oh well

I would still like to figure out how to get my pictures on here right - and my sidebar - I don't want everything to be cut in half.... how in the hell do I fix that?

I am anxiously awaiting grades from school.
Especially from my Art Appriciation class.
I know I failed biology because the tard wouldn't let me hand in ANYTHING late and the internet was off for a while so I got behind and knew I would fail, so I focused on the art class.
I hated it, so hopefully I passed so I don't have to retake it.....
Now I am taking a personal finance class (that fits into forensics where?) and psychology.
ugh

Pictures...

I really don't like how the images are added with photobucket or flickr - I have played with both, and they both suck...
I will have to find something else.
The pictures are clickable, so they can be viewed larger...
I wish that the size in the blog would change though...
Oh well.....

Really......

This made me laugh...
It is next door to my mother in laws house...

In case you can't see what the sign says.....

'Maintenance Free Living'

Bridget After Her Haircut

Here is Bridget after we cut her hair.

It isn't quite as short as Rainy's.

She keeps playing with it - i think she likes it.

She told me that she won't have a sweaty neck tonight.

That's good.

lol

Bridget Before Her Haircut

Here is Bridget before we cut her hair.

She has never had a haircut other than the ones that her sister has given her.

She had such beautiful long hair.

She has been complaining about how sweaty her neck is getting, so I thought I better cut it before her sister does.

Rainy After Her Haircut

Here is Rainy after she got her haircut.

She just loves her haircut - she keeps flipping her head around to feel it move and playing with it.

She has wanted it short for a long time.

I might take her to the hair salon to get it shaped a little bit, but if I didn't cut it, she would have talked Bridget into it.

Rainy Before Her Haircut

Here is Rainy before we cut her hair.

She has never had a haircut aside from the ones that her sister has given her, or the one that the neighbor girl gave her last summer...

She used to have curly curly hair when she was little, but as it got longer she lost the curl.

Maybe it will get some of the curl back with it being shorter...

My Heathens

Oh yeah - down at the bottom of the page, you can see all of the heathens that live in my house... Chaelisa, her baby Charlie, Ambyr, Brody, Rainy, Bridget, and even the cats, Colin and Sally - lol

update - a couple months ago we lost Colin... he was hit by a car about a block from our house.

double ugh...

I didn't get anything at the house done today. Not one damn thing. I need to figure out what in the hell is wring with me. Seriously.... this is going to wear me down fast. So for real, tomorrow, the mission will begin. Or I will fire myself - lol - no really, it has to be done.....
On a better note, Jeff graduated from the DORA program today - I am soooo proud of him! I am sure it has been a harder battle than he has let on. There were a couple heartbreaks in the beginning when I thought that he wouldn't make it through, but he did!
Tomorrow (technically today I guess) I am going to deep clean my little ones room - I don't know how those two can make such a huge mess in such a short amount of time. My solution... throw it out!!! That is going to be my solution for a lot of things in the near future - I am so beyond sick of the kids being such slobs and having to clean up after them all of the time. Maybe if they see that I will just throw it out, then they will pick it up. We'll see....
I am also going to cut Rainy and Bridget's hair tomorrow. Neither of them have had a real haircut - just the ones that they give each other, and that will eventually happen if I don't do it, so I suppose that I had better. I will try to get before and after pics up on here....
Well, I have been playing Heroes on MySpace - it's okay - kind of set up with a theme like Diablo, but WAY lamer... Oh HUGE HAPPY DANCE..... Diablo 3 is in the making! I am thrilled! D2 has got to be my most favorite PC game EVER!!!!!
Ok - a few more quests on Heroes and I am going to try to go to bed.
And maybe David will answer my e-mail tonight....

ugh...

I think that I will restart my mission tomorrow - lol - I didn't get rid of anything today - there was something so screwed up with me that I couldn't even think straight - Lord knows what I would have thrown out.... but, on the plus side, I can start the way I wanted to with good pictures and stuff because I got my camera back today. I will still post the others probably, I just need to find the adapter for my memory card.
I spent most of the day here, reading. I read a book called 'A Child Called It' by Dave Pelzer (I really really want to read the 2 sequels to this one - such a sad sad story... And I am finishing up CSI:NY - Deluge - I am such a CSI NY junkie... Then I went to Barnes and Noble to trade some books that I had bought a long time ago that I didn't want anymore, and they took a couple of them back (the others are out of print, so I guess that I will put them up on eBay or something like that) and I got 2 new books to read, a Jack Sparrow bookmark, a card to send to Dee, and some little gnome embellies for scrapping. And I still have twenty something dollars on my card. I think I will try Borders for the others before I list them online. I haven't been in a Borders since I left Oklahoma.
I think I am just going to read the last 2 chapters in my CSI book so I can take it over to the library tomorrow and get the other 2 that I want to read and see if they have the other CSI NY book that I want. I have a thing for Gary Sinise... have since I saw Forrest Gump when I was 18, but totally fell for him in Apollo 13. I think I need to find that one again....
Well, I got sidetracked for a while on myspace - I am trying to think of people that i know that might have a profile on there - it is giving me something to do when I can't sleep anyways...

New video and a Tuesday morning ramble...

I posted a video on the side bar thinggy - I love Blue October. This song is called 'My Never.' I would have just added the song to my play list, BUT it won't be officially released until March of 2009, soooo the video will have to work for now. It is am amazing song. I added it to my MySpace too... I dedicate it to someone, but that someone may never know.
I am drained today. I just want to crawl back into bed. I over did it yesterday, hardly slept last night, and now it has caught me. I think I will clean up the house, and then read for a while or watch a movie or something. I really just want to go to bed though, but I don't think that would go over too well when Chris gets home from lunch - maybe after he leaves I will sneak a nap. I think that my depression is comming back - I haven't felt this way in a long time.
I really should go through some more boxes or find homes for the things that I want to keep, but I just don't want to. I should list baby clothes on eBay or something, but don't really have the energy for that.....
The house is trashed - I guess I should just suck it up and clean so I don't get yelled at for it later..... And the little girls need a bath - they look like orphans today....

happy birthday joe!

I just realized that tomorrow (technically I guess it is today) is my little brothers birthday - my baby brother actually - I think he will be 25... I am terrible, I can't remember. I think he was born in 1983 and Will in 81.... maybe it was 82 and 84... I will have to ask mom tomorrow. Heck I can barely keep track of how old my own kids are - lol
I really should go to bed, but I know I will just lay there for hours and watch the clock, so I may as well be here.... I should watch 'The Black Parade Is Dead' - I have had it for a couple weeks now if not longer and have yet to watch it. I really want to, I just want to wait until I know I won't be bothered and I want to watch it on the telly and not the laptop and the DVD player took a poop....
Well, I just might be back again before I go to bed, who knows. Like it matters though, because no one has read this yet - lol

The days end...

I am done with the de-cluttering for the day I think. I have a box of toys that I need to go through without my little ones being around, but I think that can wait until tomorrow. I did get some pics, but not in the mood to do them tonight, so maybe over coffee in the morning... I found out that Chris took the camera to work, and he is supposed to bring it home at lunch tomorrow... we'll see if he remembers - lol I got through a lot of stuff today. I will have to get a shot of the pile for the dump - most of it is from today. There are about 6 boxes of baby girl clothes that I am going to set aside and maybe put up on eBay, or at least donate somewhere. I just can't throw that many clothes away when someone out there might need them. All the other stuff that I was going to list is apparently going to the dump, because in the midst of yet another fight with Chris, I broke, bent and damaged in someway all of it. The boxes that the clothes were in got broken open, but I can just re box them. I need to control my temper a little bit better, but when I answered his question and it wasn't the answer that he wanted because I had misunderstood him and he yelled at me, that is the only way that I know to react without cutting, and I guess breaking things is better than breaking me. I sometimes wonder if I should see a therapist or something.....
Well, I suppose that I should try to get to bed at a decent hour tonight. I am a week behind in school and should work on that, but I don't really want to. Maybe tomorrow afternoon when it is too hot to clean.....
nite

jeez I am a pack rat...

the amounts of crap that I have been packing around from state to state is just crazy... from Utah to Cali to Oklahoma and then BACK to Utah - and it's all just crap. Some of it is sentimental crap, but still crap none the less. There are only a handful of boxes that I would have really missed if we had let the storage unit go... if there was just a home for half of it all.... I will find a way to find a home for what I want to keep one way or another, but the rest of the stuff is going to either go on ebay or to the dump. There isn't much for ebay, but someone may want it all.....
Break time is over again and I am off to take the stuff I am trashing out to the pile for the dump on the back porch....

still at it....

I am still going through boxes - I have found so many things that I had forgotten about and a lot of things that I have wondered about.... I found a box of cross stitch and sewing supplies that I have been looking for - kits to list on ebay because I will never get around to doing them... goofy little troll statue things where one is picking his ear, one is picking his nose and the other is picking his butt... they are cute. I found an old spice rack that I am going to hang in my room by my desk and put my little glass jars of scrappy embellies (if the jars fit in the rack - but they should...), a phonics set that I bought when Chaelisa was 4 or 5 and never used -- it is going up on ebay. There is so much stuff! I wish that I knew where to put it all. I will eventually have room - it would have been nice to have been able to make room for everything first, but heaven forbid I do things the way that I want that would be easier for me. *sigh*
Well, my break time is up, and if I want to have tome to do any studying for school today I need to get the rest of this stuff gone through.
I have emptied out about 10 boxes so far, and condensed that down to 3 big boxes - just stuff that I need to put away. I really need to figure out what to do with my stuffed animals - I just can't get rid of them, but I don't know where to put them.... I guess in the attic above the carport with the Christmas boxes for now.

and he is still at it....

now he wants to be myfriend on mocospace - OMG! Can we say get a life?
I just got done with yet another message in reply to his 'can we try again' message and told him that I don't want anything to do with him. On his myspace he says that he is married, and on the other he says that he is single.... i guess that is because the wife that he JUST got back together with has a mypsace and not the other, so he can skank it up on there.... he is such a man-whore......

for the love of.....

Why won't stalker boy just leave me the hell alone?????????? I should have NEVER told him that I have a MySpace..... Maybe I will send him here and he can figure out just what I think about him and then, just maybe, he will get the hint.... god....

oooo and I found Brian.... on MySpace, and he hasn't been on for almost a month, but I FOUND HIM!

whew....

there is a lot of crap in my house.... i was going to work on the kitchen drawers so that maybe there would be a new home for some things, but darling fucking Chris said that would be the stupidest thing to do and that i needed to go through all the boxes in the office today. I have filled a huge box with stuff that i have no where to put, so i am throwing it out. A lot of the fun advertising tins from my kitchen and hot pads that i don't care for so much and just crap - but mostly tins. I found about 7000 of those betty crocker points things that you can use for discounts on the catalog. I have been saving them when I remember for over 10 years, and have NEVER ordered anything from them, except the catalog - so those are definitely outta here (and there were proof of purchases and points from loads of other things that I am tossing because they have all changed over the years.) There will be some pics tonight that will prolly suck - I still can't find my camera, so I took some pics of the office and the disaster in my room with my phone and will upload them later.
off to check email and then get bust some more so i don't hear about how lazy I am later when he gets home.....

Monday, Monday

I am having coffee and thinking how I am going to get started on my mission today. I think I will get to the living room another day - it is trashed and it is Chaelisa's chore to clean it, so I will let her get all of her and the baby's stuff out of there and then I will get that room done. Maybe I will clean off the cabinet in my room and my vanity. Yeah, I think that is what I will do, and then work in the little girls room. For their room I just need a big trash can - lol - it is beyond trashed.
So I will have my coffee while the kids watch PBS Kids, and then I will look for my camera. And then get started. I think I will take before pictures too, and of course after pictures. I think maybe that will help me to stay motivated.

My Dejunking Mission

I have decided to put myself on a de-junking mission. I was browsing Flickr and came across this lady's photos of the 10 things that she got rid of everyday for 10 days. It was fun to see what she got rid of, and then under the picture, it would say what the item was, where she got it, why she had it and what she was going to do with it when she got rid of it (such as donate, recycle or trash). I have a horribly cluttered house. There are 8 of us here and so there is A LOT of clutter. I have decided that starting tomorrow, my goal is going to be to get rid of AT LEAST 25 forms of clutter everyday until I have gone through every closet, cupboard, box and shelf in every room of my house (except maybe my oldest daughters room - she has already been getting rid of a lot of stuff) I really hope that I can find my camera tomorrow - it seems to have gone and hid from me over the weekend. It might not be a lot of fun for you to see what I am getting rid of, but it will be interesting for me to see what I have accomplished when I get finished. If I absolutely cannot find my camera, I can always use my cell phone, but the camera is pretty lame.... My first task is going to be the living room - we got my oldest daughters room painted over the weekend, so after waiting 2 months for the remodel to be finished, she can finally sleep in her own bed and the baby in his crib instead of the bassinet that he is getting too big for.
I think I might also do a picture of different treasures that I come across while taking on this mission... maybe, if there aren't too many.
I am now off to bed to get rested for the start of my mission..... it could end up being very overwhelming the more that I think about it, but could be a lot of fun!

My Flickr

http://www.flickr.com/people/mychemrocks/ - that is the addy for my flickr... so far just my scrap and my (yes, MY) Joaquin... more to come eventually.....

My player is Sexy

ooooo I made my playlist sexy!
My MySpace playlist is sexier though....
mmmm Joaquin makes me tingle....

Devious Joaquin

I love how he looks devious in this one - I think it is the look in his eyes - gotta be one of the sexiest men ever.....

Mmmmmm

I think this is one of my very favorite pics of Joaquin Phoenix.... so sexy! The only way it could be any better was if you could see his eyes. I would love to find one from this photo shoot.....

Pics

I am getting sick pf playing on MySpace, so I thought I would play here and see if I could figure out how to add pictures... I am waiting for them to upload to flickr and then I can play.....

I later realized that I like photobucket better, but I will use them both for different things I guess - flickr makes it super easy to post pics here, but I like more things about photobucket. Guess we will see who wins out eventually... lol

My MySpace

www.myspace.com/mychemrocks
I don't know if you want to look (if there is even anyone to look....) but there it is.
There are lots of pics and crap

Time to get the Kids Ready for SCHOOL!

Oh I am thrilled that it is almost time for the kids to go back to school - only 18 more days! Bridget will be home again this year - at least for a while... He b-day is a week too late to start kindergarten this year. I am going to take my 5 year old, Rainy, to do her school shopping and get a haircut today and maybe tomorrow, and then the other two next payday - I might take them all at once to get their shoes, but then that sort of like hoping for an anxiety attack, so maybe just one at a time - lol
Not sure what Chaelisa is going to do for school yet this year - we are going to go talk to the counselor at the young mothers school this week and see what they can offer her, and then maybe Landmark High's night school program would be better - guess we will just have to see.

After taking Rainy shopping for 1st grade, we came home with two Hello Kitty outfits - jeans with a top and a skirt with a top, a cute outfit with capris and a top, 10 new undies, a pair of Hannah Montana dressy sneakers, High School Musical sneakers that have Troy's picture on them (this is her 3rd pair of Troy shoes - at least they have all been different, but hey, when you are gonna marry a guy you need his pic on your shoes right? I have a pair of slippers put up for her b-day with his pic on too - lol) We also picked up a cute courderoy jumper with a long sleeved shirt and a Curious George packed with new stories (a collection of stories is the right thing to say I guess - we have a yellow hardback one with the classic stories in and this one is a blue hardback and was only $7.50!) I got a new Beatles shirt (never can resist those when they get them) a cute little tin with hot cocoa and marshmellows, a cute little orange bowl that looks like a small version of grandmas old mixing bowl, and some paper canister thinggys for my desk to put all the little scrappy crap in that needs a home) it was $75 at Ross and about $30 at Wal-Mart. Not too bad I suppose. It seemed better when I didn't stop and think about what it cost - lol. For the next 2 they don't need as much, so it shouldn't be too bad. I might still get Rainy a couple more tops, and she needs socks, but her b-day is coming up, so maybe I can get her the Bratz pants that she wanted so bad. We will have to see.

Kyte in my Sidebar

So, I posted some nifty stuff from The Used's Kyte Feed, and put it in my side bar, and it seems that is has cut the right side of the pic/video off.... maybe I should move it to the bottom... ugh

There Isn't A Title For This One....

So, there has been a lot going on since my last post....

I am a grandma (omg....lol) - Charles James Anthony was born May 31 and he is a cutie! As soon as I figure out how to post pics, I will get some up.

I have disposed of the biggest fucktard known to man. But I am glad because he is the biggest fucking loser EVER - stuck in the 90's (the bad part of the 90's none the less) he is the cut your own hair mullet king that doesn't know how to brush his teeth or shower (the stench makes me want to puke sometimes) and he thinks that he is God's gift to women.... he was a lot different in jr high - most guys were... He thought that I would kick Chris out and let him move on in with me and take over my household when he couldn't even hold a job... he would constantly bitch about Chris and what a loser he was when HE was the real loser. I am really glad to be done with him. I don't think I ever really wanted to be with him to start with, but it was a little flattering to have someone act so head over heels for me... My life can gradually go back to happy now maybe. If I were to ever leave Chris (and oh the thought has crossed my mind more and more lately) it sure as hell wouldn't be for Ed, Earl, Duane or whatever he is going by now days..... I kicked him to the curb in my red high heels - lol (I guess that would have to be my black Chuck Taylors - LOL)

I have become a scrapbook junkie. It is spectacular therapy..... I have more product than I will ever use, but there will always be something to create I suppose.

I have cut myself off from most of my friends because I no longer know who I can trust.

I haven't cut in about 6 months.... the last one was bad enough that I needed stitches, but I didn't want to tell Chris and get yelled at for cutting, so now I have a super ugly scar on my arm that will probably never go away. Oh well - it can be a reminder I guess.

School has been harder - I guess it is supposed to get harder, but it would be okay if it were something related to what I majoring in... sheesh.....

Well, I suppose I am done rambling and I need to go sort through some of the stuff we brought from storage - the whole freaking storage unit was emptied into my office..... freaking shoot me!

National Scrapbook Day AND Free Comic Book Day

Saturday was a busy day for me... It was both National Scrapbooking Day and Free Comic Book Day.

I took Ambyr and Brody to the local scrapbook shop, Croppin Paradise for the noon drawing and for a couple make and takes, and then we headed over to Dragon's Keep for some free comic books. Then I came home and picked up Chaelisa and took her to CP and we hung out for a couple hours. She did a make and take, and I did a layout class, and I spent way too much money. But everything was 15% off, I had a $10 card, and I won one of the drawings and got a huge goodie bag of scrappin treats. I was beat by the time we got home.

Yesterday the internet was out for a good chunk of the day and so I was doing schoolwork up until the last minute to get my assignments turned in on time. I spent most of yesterday cleaning up my desk area in my room. It is finally coming together. The kids were at church from 9:00am until about 1:30pm - so it was nice and quiet for a long time. I did a few last minute layouts for NSD but got them turned in too late for the contests, but that's ok - they were still fun to do. As soon as I figure out how to add photos to my blog, I will post some.

The concert on Thursday night was awesome! We were in the back of the GA area because of Chaelisa being so close to having the baby (4 more weeks) and Ambyr being so young (11) but they had a blast! I saw Anita - that was good - I don't see her much anymore.

Now I am off to clean up the house and run some laundry... joyous...

Tonight should be fun...

So tonight I am taking my 2 oldest girls to see The Used at The Great Saltaire in Magna, Ut.

They are both so stoked!

Chaelisa is about 4 weeks away from having her baby, so it should prove interesting for her. If she didn't love Quinn so much, I am pretty sure that she would stay home. This is Ambyr's first concert, so she is soooo dang excited! At least she knows most of their music from hearing them at the house so much, and she does like them.

Jeff and Beth are coming too I think. I'm not 100% sure though.

We saw My Chemical Romance at The Saltaire about three weeks ago and it was the best concert that I have ever been too. I really think that it makes a difference seeing them in a smaller venue rather than the big area shows. Almost like it is more personal.

I am still pretty clueless as to what I should write on here, so I am just writing whatever I want to. I don't know why anyone would want to read it anyhow. It has to be boring.

Well, now I am off to have coffee with The Beatles and do some school work.... freakin' yay...

Never Ending Projects

And so, after having this blog for a long time, I will finally post a post...
I always think that I should, but then I get caught up with who knows what else. And kids. And school. And EVERYTHING else.
I am going to be a grandma. I am 31. I do not quite know what to think about this. So I will listen to The Beatles, My Chemical Romance and The Used and it will all be okay. Even if I'm not Okay (I Promise).
My new little grandson should be here somewhere around June 2nd. We are getting ready for him. We had a baby shower on Saturday. I think my daughter can open her own newborn baby boy clothing store if she wanted to... She got a lot of clothes. And diapers. One can never have too many of those.
I am currently trying to get his afghan finished. I made it HUGE - it will probably fit a twin bed. At least he will not outgrow it too soon... Chaelisa and Jen have been making a darling quilt - it has a lot of Chenille. I heart chenille. And the back is a very pretty baby and mom from the 1920's. I love anything vintage so I am in love with the quilt. I am also in the process of getting the little embroidery done in the squares. Little toys and things. I found a pencil to use to do it tonight. I am such a procrastinator. I need to get it done so they can get the quilt out together and then I get to hand quilt it. It might be finished before he goes to kindergarten. No, for her I will get it finished (at least before he is one.)
I am also trying to get a set of Days of the Week dishtowels done for Grandma Millie. There are six left to do. They are an IOU from a year and a half ago's Christmas present. I just can't ever seem to get anything all the way done. I get so excited to start, and then get into something else and whatever I was working on gets stuck in a box or something... That is something that I need to work on.
AND I am crocheting on hemstitched burpie clothes - 16 of them - and one crib sized blanket. My friend Jennalee (I am sure that I spelled that wrong - lol) showed me how to edge them yesterday, and I did one for her baby girl and now I want to make some for Chaelisa's baby since she only has a few burpies (but I don't know if she needs 16...oh well)
School for the kids is almost over - just about a month left. Shoot me. Please. I don't know if I like summer too much. I don't usually have to get up quite so early, but the kids... they are always here... At least now that we live across the street from the library and the park, maybe they will play over there a little bit.
I finished my Marketing class Sunday, and Monday brought English Comp and Computer Applications (learning Microsoft Office 2007) I am not too thrilled for English, but the computers one should be okay. Marketing and Business both sucked. Hard. lol
I made a layout (scrapbook page) today for the local scrapbook shop CP (Croppin' Paradise) - it was fun. I used a picture of my dad from 8th grade - I really liked how it turned out. I have only made a few LO's. I made last months challenge, a page with Gerard Way (lead singer for My Chemical Romance) and a page that has a of picture of Chaelisa with Quinn Allman (guitarist for The Used) and one of her with Bert McCracken (lead singer for The Used) I am taking her to see them in concert again on Thursday. She will be about 4 1/2 weeks from her due date. That should be fun. My 11 year old Ambyr, is going to come with us too. Her first concert. Finally.
Well, I am supposed to be doing school work, but checked my e-mail and read Jeanne's blog and decided that I really should post on mine. So I did.